Two Halves Form the Whole
by booyahkendell
Summary: Sonny really didn't want to get caught.
1. Chapter 1

Sonny really didn't want to get caught.

Which is why he was walking on the carpet underneath his feet as if it were made from shards of glass, trying desperately to avoid the jagged edges from piercing his skin. Sonny quickly rounded the corner of the hallway, almost moving on tiptoe as he attempted to keep his normally heavy-footed steps light. He made a sharp left down another corridor, then another, before finally reaching his sought after destination. Just as he was about to bound towards the door (quietly, of course, because Sonny really didn't want to get caught), the sight of Carmen sitting dutifully at her post stopped Sonny dead in his tracks.

Damn it.

She was already back from lunch, manicured fingers tapping away at the keys of the laptop in front of her. Manning her damn post.

Which, in reality was a desk, but it might as well have been the friggin' gates to the White House, what with the way Barba ordered her not to let anyone into his office without his explicit, direct permission. 'Anyone' being specifically Sonny.

Sonny considered backpedaling and simply leaving the DA's office, because if Carmen were to see him now than how the hell was he supposed to explain this to - "Oh! Detective Carisi! How nice to see you!"

Damn it.

Sonny had really wanted to not get caught.

Carmen was looking up from the screen of her laptop now, piercing green eyes meeting Sonny's blue as she took a sip from the Styrofoam coffee cup to her right. Luckily for Sonny, she didn't look the least bit suspicious.

However, the expression on her face became more and more expectant as Sonny continued to stand frozen in the hallway, trying desperately to grab at an explanation for his presence that Carmen would buy and, later, that Barba would accept. Carmen quirked an eyebrow upwards, the newly formed lines on her forehead giving away her growing confusion.

"If you're looking for Mr. Barba, he isn't due back from court for at least another hour or so...".

Carmen let the rest of her sentence trail off, laying the words out on the desk in front of her; an offering, an escape route, if Sonny so chose to take it. He sighed, letting the toe of his shoe scuff lightly against the carpet. Sonny chose to ignore the hand he'd been dealt, opting instead to take a play at honesty.

"Yeah, I know, that's kinda why I'm here now and not later," Sonny answered warily. He let the admission hang in the air between them, not bothering to elaborate any further. Instead, he allowed Carmen to draw her own conclusions from the innocuous nature of his statement.

Suddenly, Carmen looked as though she might actually be physically sick.

Sonny had really wanted to not get caught.

"W-wait...I know it's not any of my business...I probably shouldn't even be asking this, it's hardly professional...", she started. Sonny didn't like where this was going. "But...did you and Mr. Barba get into an argument or something? Wait. Did you guys break-up!?"

Sonny actually laughed out loud. Sonny was laughing, head thrown back, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and poor Carmen appeared more distressed than ever.

Sonny finally approached her desk, hands shoved deeply in his pant pockets as he endeavored to catch his breath, the last few hints of a laugh trickling from between his lips. He leaned against the desk and swiped a piece of caramel from the glass bowl sat just beside Carmen's computer, popping the candy into his mouth before addressing the still very agitated woman at his side.

"Jeez Carmen, way to jump to the worst possible conclusion. To answer your question, no, Rafi - Rafael and I didn't break up."

She smirked, and Sonny knew full well that she had caught exactly what he'd let slip, but she thankfully appeared content to let it slide - for the time being, at least.

"Well how can you blame me!?" she exclaimed, swatting Sonny's forearm playfully with her memo pad. "What kind of person goes around saying shit like, 'that's why I'm here now and not later'?"

Carmen paused in her lecture, ticking away at the keyboard one last time before turning her full attention back to Sonny. "You must know that I've learned to be relentlessly pessimistic. Perks of having Rafael Barba as your boss."

Sonny chuckled before saying, "Trust me, if Rafael and I broke up, you'd know. He'd be like, Rafael Barba from hell AND on steroids. He'd be pissed. Mostly because he'd no longer be getting a piece of this sweet ass."

Sonny almost felt sorry for Carmen when she choked on the coffee she'd been sipping.

His feelings of sympathy were short-lived, however, as Carmen proceeded to smack him with her memo pad an additional twelve times.

"Detective! I'm telling him that you said!"

Sonny knew that Carmen was all bark and no bite, though; she'd become a sort-of confidant for him over the course of the last eight months as he'd cautiously navigated the obstacle course that was dating Rafael Barba. He'd gone to her for advice an innumerable number of times in the early days of his and Rafael's courtship, as she'd originally been more familiar with the various aspects of Rafael's temperament than he.

Now though, the tables were turned; Sonny often found himself feeling as though there wasn't a single facet of Rafael that he hadn't carved out and explored, only to later be mapped out in excruciating detail as he fell asleep with his nose buried deep in the space between Rafael's shoulder and neck.

Sonny made sure, however, to keep Carmen updated on every single shiny, new development in their relationship, from the seemingly insignificant to the glaringly monumental.

The first time Rafael allowed Sonny to borrow one of his ties; when Rafael had quietly and sweetly asked Sonny to move in with him; their first 'I love you'. Carmen knew it all, each time Sonny stepped in front of her desk signaling a new chapter in the Carisi-Barba narrative.

"So you and Mr. Barba are still blissfully and sickeningly in love," she quipped cheerfully. "Good. He's not nearly as bitchy when he's getting laid."

Sonny smirked, before Carmen quickly added, "Don't think I don't know why you're here, though. The only other explanation for you sneaking around like that - quite badly, I might add - is that you want to get into his office."

Damn Carmen and her ability to read Sonny like the trashy tabloids she kept hidden in the corner drawer of her desk.

Sonny had really wanted to not get caught.

"C'mon, Carmen, I just wanna leave Rafael a little gift on his desk. It's supposed to be a surprise," he pleaded, pouting in the way that had proven successful at getting him what he wanted - at least, when it came to Rafael. Carmen, on the other hand, looked wholly unimpressed by the display, her lips remaining in a tight line and her eyebrows lifted in a challenge: 'Really? That's the best you can do?'.

She took another slow sip of coffee before turning back to address Sonny. "The last time that you asked a similar favor of me, I almost lost my job. Remember?"

Boy, did he remember.

It had only been a month earlier, Rafael's birthday to be exact. When Sonny had requested Carmen's help in his "little surprise" for Rafael, she had happily obliged and unlocked the door to Rafael's office, letting Sonny inside to work his magic.

The "little surprise" of course being a cornucopia of multicolored balloons and streamers strewn randomly across Rafael's office. Sonny had been proud to say that he hadn't left a single piece of furniture untouched.

Rafael, however, had been pissed, and Carmen and Sonny had paid the price in their own respective ways. Carmen had only been allowed to complete file work for two weeks straight; Sonny's blowjob privileges were revoked in a similar fashion.

"Okay, yeah, that was probably like, the worst idea I've ever had in my entire life," Sonny admitted. Carmen scoffed, arms remaining firmly crossed across her chest as he continued. "But, this is nothing like that. I just have a little gift that I wanna leave for Rafael. And I promise this time that it's actually little."

Carmen couldn't help but crack a small smile at that. She recovered quickly though, pulling the corner of her lip back down almost violently. "Show me," she said.

Sonny indulged her, pulling the small gray box out from where it was tucked tightly on the inside of his coat pocket. He handed it to Carmen, who immediately pulled the top off; who softly gasped when she saw just what Sonny's gift for Rafael was.

She placed the lid carefully back on the box before looking up at Sonny, eyes soft. "God, I wish I could find a guy like you," she confessed. "You're good for him."

Sonny beamed as Carmen slid the box back across the desk, back into his waiting hands. "Is that code for 'yes, I'll let you into his office'?" he asked hopefully. Carmen sighed, but the expression in her eyes betrayed her true feelings. "Yes, I'll let you into his office."

Sonny fist-pumped as Carmen made her way around the desk and over to Rafael's office. After a barely audible 'click', she pushed the heavy door open and gestured inside, granting Sonny full access to the room. One foot had already crossed the threshold when he turned back to face her, saying, "Thanks, Carmen. I really owe you one."

A grin played at her lips as she took a seat behind her desk again. "Bring me one of those homemade cannoli your mom makes and we'll call it even."

"You got it," Sonny said, and just as he was about to turn back around he heard Carmen's soft voice: "He's gonna love it."

Maybe Sonny was a little glad that he'd been caught.


	2. Chapter 2

Rafael strode hurriedly down the hall, a quick "Good evening, Carmen" thrown over his shoulder as he passed her desk and approached the door to his office.

"Any messages while I was gone?" he inquired, pulling a silver key from the pocket of his slacks as he made to unlock the door.

"Thomas Johnson's lawyer wants to meet with you tomorrow about a possible plea," Carmen replied, reading directly from the memo pad clutched in her hands.

Rafael smirked, finally managing to get the door open. "Of course he does. Bastard knows that if this goes to trial he'll be gone until his seventy-fifth birthday." Carmen just chuckled and turned to answer the phone, voice all cheery smiles and sweetness as she picked up the receiver: "Good evening, Mr. Barba's office. How may I help you?"

Rafael groaned a sigh of relief before practically running to his desk, all thoughts of witnesses and verdicts and sleazy defense attorneys a thousand miles away once his back hit the chair.

He knew that he should work. He knew that he should pull the case files out of his briefcase, prepare his closing argument for the following morning.

But he was so goddamn exhausted, and he just wanted to make it home before the sun had set entirely for once. And fine, maybe he had a little bit of initiative to get home early in the form of one blue-eyed Sonny Carisi.

Work paled in comparison when Rafael considered Sonny's dimpled smile and ridiculously long, lean arms that would surely snake their way around his waist the moment he stepped into their apartment.

Screw it.

Maybe he'd grab a pizza on his way home and rent that movie Sonny had been talking incessantly about for the last three weeks.

Just as Rafael was about to take his leave, briefcase in hand, he noticed a new addition to the various mementos scattered randomly across the front of his desk. He leaned over slightly, peering at the unexpected intrusion.

It was a picture frame.

It was small, the frame itself circular and a deep, mahogany brown.

Truly, it was completely inconspicuous when placed amongst the organized clutter of knick-knacks that framed the edge of Rafael's desk; it looked like it had always belonged next to the container Rafael kept his fountain pens in, occupying a previously vacant space that he had never realized was there.

Rafael lowered himself back into his seat before slowly, gently taking the frame into his hands in order to study it further.

Inside, was a picture of him and Sonny.

He recognized it immediately, as it was only from the previous weekend.

Sonny had successfully convinced him after weeks of groveling to have an afternoon picnic in Central Park.

"Please Rafi!" he had begged Sunday morning over coffee and pancakes. Sonny had still been in the kitchen, choosing to eat his breakfast at the counter while Rafael sat across from him at the bar top, shoveling bits of pancake into his mouth.

"It'll be so relaxing," Sonny had continued, Rafael not looking up from the newspaper he was lazily flicking through.

"And romantic." Suddenly, Sonny had leaned over the bar top, snatching the newspaper right out from underneath Rafael's grasp. "C'mon, Rafi, please! I'm just asking for this one day." Rafael had glared at him, reaching for the newspaper; Sonny was able to keep it out of arm's reach, however, because he possessed stupidly long arms that Rafael really wanted to tie behind his back right now.

Rafael had giving up, sneering, "Yes, because sweat and humidity and bugs and screaming children is the textbook definition of romance."

Sonny had thrown the newspaper onto the counter and rounded the bar top, stopping right in front of Rafael. "What if," he had begun, arms curling around Rafael's neck, an unrelenting twinkle in his bright, blue eyes. "I bring a blanket. That way, you don't have to sit in the grass and ruin your fancy schmancy designer jeans." He pressed a soft kiss to Rafael's neck.

"Okay," Rafael breathed. "What about the sweat?" Sonny seemed to consider this before saying, "I promise that I'll find you the biggest patch of shade in the whole entire park." Another kiss, this time on the patch of skin directly behind Rafael's ear.

"And the screaming children?" Rafael had asked, the resolve quickly leaving his body as Sonny hummed against his neck.

"Well, you'll be with me, so hopefully you'll be too preoccupied to notice the evil, screaming children." Sonny had smirked at him then, a wicked glint in his eyes.

"We are absolutely not making out in Central Park if that's what you're suggesting," Rafael had stated, pinching Sonny's side in what had been a half-hearted attempt at wiping the smug grin off of his stupid, adorable face.

"I suggested no such thing, counselor," Sonny had quipped, leaning forward and finally capturing Rafael's lips in his own.

It was a short, sweet kiss, and when Sonny had attempted to pull away Rafael had quickly grabbed him by his hips, keeping him firmly locked in between Rafael's thighs.

Sonny had let his forehead rest against Rafael's, smiling softly down at him while Rafael had traced gentle patterns across Sonny's hip bones with his thumbs.

"Is that a yes?" he'd asked. Rafael had sighed, pulling Sonny close for another chaste kiss before conceding, "Only if you bring a blanket."

And that's how Rafael Barba had ended up in Central Park underneath the shade of a large elm tree, Sonny Carisi laying contentedly at his side on a wool blanket that hadn't seen the light of day since Sonny's early beginnings as a rookie cop.

Sonny had somehow even managed to convince him to take selfies like they were fucking teenagers; Sonny had completely ignored his cries of protest and curled himself against Rafael's side, pressed his left cheek to Rafael's right, and proclaimed, "Smile!"

One pictured turned into at least fifty; Rafael had lost count after number thirty-eight.

Rafael's expression had remained generally the same in each snapshot, a warm smile on his lips as he snuck glances at his boyfriend who stuck out his tongue, pressed his lips to Rafael's cheek, all while he continued to click away with his phone.

Rafael had known for certain, in that moment, that he'd never loved anyone more.

And as Rafael continued to stare at the picture in front of him, he felt warm all over.

It was one of the simpler ones that they'd taken, both smiling happily.

Sonny wasn't looking at the camera though, Sonny was looking at Rafael, and he had such love in his beautiful, blue eyes, and Rafael's chest felt tight because the amazing, beautiful man in the framed photo on his desk was his, his hopefully forever, and now every single person that walked into his office would know it, and that thought made Rafael feel whole.

He hadn't been aware that something was missing from his desk before the frame had been placed there, just like he hadn't been aware that something was missing from his heart until Sonny had stumbled his way into it.

"Carmen?" Rafael called, just loud enough for his secretary to hear from her post outside of his office.

Rafael looked up at the door clicked open, still clutching the frame tightly in his hands. "Yes, Mr. Barba?" Carmen had only stepped halfway into the office, a puzzled expression painting her features; her confusion probably had something to do with the genuinely sentimental look Rafael was still wearing on his face.

Rafael set the frame lightly back down on his desk before turning his attention back to Carmen. "Did Sonny stop by sometime this afternoon?" he inquired.

Carmen shook her head slightly before saying, "No, I haven't seen him all day. Why?"

 _How the hell had Sonny gotten into his office than?_

"It's…nothing," Rafael replied, still staring at Carmen. "It's just…I think he left me a gift."

Just then, he noticed a slight twinkle in Carmen's eyes; maybe she knew more about Sonny's little gift than she was letting on.

"I'm guessing you'll be taking an early night, then?" she inquired. She knew.

Rafael let out a shaky laugh and just nodded in confirmation.

Carmen smiled, and she looked so happy for him, and Rafael wanted to jump up and hug her, but he knew Carmen wouldn't take too kindly to that because he'd never displayed such genuine emotion in her presence before.

"He's good for you," she finally said after Rafael continued to stare in silence.

Rafael thought a truer statement had never been made.


	3. Chapter 3

Rafael arrived home not even an hour later, box of pizza in hand as he stepped into the unusually quiet apartment.

He approached the living room and found Sonny spread out on the couch, long legs dangling over an armrest. He'd already changed out of his suit, donning one of Rafael's faded Harvard t-shirts and a pair of plaid boxers.

He didn't even look up when Rafael entered the room, too engrossed in the novel he had perched on his chest; it was Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying", one of Rafael's favorite pieces of classic American literature, a book he'd been trying to get Sonny to read for over a month.

Rafael smiled and set the pizza box down lightly on the coffee table, effectively breaking the silence and Sonny's concentration: "Do you have even the slightest inkling of how much I love you?"

That certainly got his attention. Sonny quickly folded down the corner of the page he'd been reading and set the novel on the floor, sitting up to make room for Rafael on the couch beside him.

"I think I have somewhat of an idea," he replied slowly, a quizzical expression on his face as Rafael peeled off his jacket and loosened the maroon tie around his neck.

"Wait. You're home really early," Sonny blatantly observed. Rafael chuckled and set his jacket over the back of the sofa before taking a seat beside Sonny.

"Indeed, I am," Rafael began, raising a hand to cup Sonny's cheek. Sonny instantly nuzzled into the touch, and Rafael felt his chest tighten at the sweetness of the gesture.

Sonny curled into his side and wrapped an arm around his waist, fingers tracing idly along Rafael's stomach. Rafael wanted to kiss him, but he couldn't get distracted, not yet, not when there was so much he wanted to say to Sonny.

He picked up where he'd left off, saying, "I am home so early because I needed to see my boyfriend who thought he could get away with breaking into my office."

Sonny pulled back abruptly, eyes wide in terror that Rafael supposed was justified. Sonny opened his mouth, clearly about to apologize, but Rafael quickly shut him up by pulling him onto his lap and placing two firm hands on Sonny's narrow waist.

"I'm not mad at you, you idiot," Rafael breathed out playfully, running his hands gently up and down the length of Sonny's lanky torso. "What would make you think that I'd ever get mad at you over something like that?" he finished softly.

Sonny looked up then, finally meeting Rafael's gaze. "So you liked it?" he inquired, voice barely above a whisper as his fingers began to fidget anxiously with Rafael's tie.

"Of course I liked it," Rafael stated firmly. He reached up then, wrapping a hand around the back of Sonny's neck, pulling him forward until there was no longer any space separating them; chest to chest, forehead to forehead, heart to heart.

"Listen to me," he said fiercely, and Sonny just continued to stare at him, he barely seemed to be breathing, but Rafael knew better because he could feel Sonny's heart pounding against his own as he spoke.

"What you gave me…what you've given me, what you continue to give me every day that you choose to love me is beautiful. Just like you."

Rafael caught Sonny's lips in his own then, kissing him deeply, somehow pressing their bodies even closer together; wanting, needing Sonny to understand what he couldn't always convey with words.

Sonny reciprocated, and the tension finally seemed to seep out of his body as he wrapped himself around Rafael, fingertips playing with the short hairs at the nape of Rafael's neck.

Sonny let his tongue slip inside the older man's mouth, deepening the kiss even further. He hips began leisurely moving against Rafael's and God, did Rafael want this to continue, but he still had more he wanted to say to Sonny, wanted to ask him.

"Down boy," he gasped, laughing into Sonny's mouth as he began to pull away. Sonny just whined, making to follow Rafael's lips; Rafael dodged his advances, however, placing a gentle but firm kiss to Sonny's forehead instead.

"Does that prove to you how much I liked it?" he questioned playfully, running a hand through Sonny's hair. Sonny's face tinted a light pink as he bowed his head shyly, planting a chaste kiss on Rafael's cheek instead of providing an answer. He took that as a 'yes', anyways.

"What gave you the idea?" Rafael asked.

Sonny shrugged, restless fingers continuing to tug at the base of Rafael's hair. "I dunno. It's just, ya know, I have a picture of you on my desk at the precinct, so I figured – ".

"Wait, what?" Rafael cut Sonny off sharply, moving his head so that he was looking directly into Sonny's piercing blue eyes.

Sonny must have detected his bewilderment, because his eyes widened once again before saying, "You didn't know?"

Rafael shook his head dumbly. He hadn't known. He barely paid attention to Sonny's desk when he was at the precinct, always strictly focused on the job, on his purpose for being there.

"How long?"

Again, Sonny shrugged. "Two months, maybe?"

Suddenly, Rafael was able to put the pieces together. "So since our six months' anniversary. Since the first time I told you that I loved you." It wasn't a question, much closer to a statement; Rafael was already certain of the answer. Sonny blushed, but the expression on his face was soft now rather than shy as he continued to gaze at Rafael.

Sonny began to elaborate then. "Well, first you told me that you loved me, which shit, that was overwhelming just on its own. But you remember how you started to tell me about your _abuelita_? While you were cooking dinner?"

Rafael nodded in confirmation and Sonny continued.

"When you said that whole thing, about how your _abuelita_ would've been proud of you for finding a man like me? That's when I took the picture." Sonny admitted.

He continued to forge ahead, seeming to want to finish his story before Rafael had a chance to fill the silence with his own interjections; not that Rafael could have even if he'd wanted to. He could barely piece a coherent thought together right now as it was.

"As cheesy as it sounds, I just had to capture that moment for myself. 'Cause I know…I know how much your _abuelita_ meant – means to you. So for you to say that, about me…" Sonny paused, taking a deep breath before finishing his thought: "I don't think I've ever felt more loved."

Sonny sighed as he finished, letting his head rest against Rafael's chest. They sat in silence for a few minutes, the weight of Sonny's words still lying heavy on Rafael's heart.

"I can't believe I didn't notice that you were taking pictures."

Sonny chuckled, and Rafael felt his laughter vibrate against his chest and ribs, which made him feel warm. Sonny hummed and let his hands trail down Rafael's sides, squeezing the soft skin that laid beneath his white button-up.

"Me either. I'm glad you didn't though, otherwise you probably would've made me delete them," Sonny stated matter-of-factly. "Plus, I wouldn't have proof that Rafael Barba actually does smile sometimes."

Sonny smiled then, widely, and Rafael wanted to be an ass, he really did, he wanted to come back with a snarky remark, because that was his and Sonny's little game, but Sonny's dimples were on full display now, and Rafael Barba's ultimate weakness were Sonny Carisi's dimples.

Fuck it.

Rafael leaned forward and pressed a feather light kiss first to Sonny's left dimple, then to his right, letting his lips trace across Sonny's cheek until he reached his mouth.

It was all lips and tongue, a sweet, slow kiss that still managed to make Rafael's brain short-circuit. One of Rafael's hands was still resting on Sonny's waist, the other wrapped around his bicep, squeezing, pulling him closer with the other because he always needed Sonny closer to him.

"I love you so much, Rafi," Sonny whispered, breath hot against his mouth. Rafael released Sonny's lips then, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses down Sonny's neck, an "I love you, Sonny" kissed into the younger man's collarbone.

As Rafael felt Sonny breathing against him, felt his fingers threading tightly into his hair, heard Sonny's uncharacteristically quiet declarations of, "Love you, Rafi. Love you so friggin' much" whispered into his ear, he knew; Sonny had always been his, just as he had always been Sonny's, even when he had been too stubborn to admit it to himself.

And he knew, too, that Sonny would always be his, and he would always be Sonny's. This young, goofy, beautiful, unreasonably kind man was everything to him, and he had no intention of ever letting him go.


End file.
